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Mistletoe-taly Bizarre by Charles Marshall

Mistletoe-tally Bizarre

A lot of odd little customs have somehow become attached to the Christmas season. Take mistletoe, for example. What an amazing concept! Hang a little twig over someone’s head and you get a kiss. I guess that makes sense. Nothing says romance like a poisonous sprig of parasitic vegetation. I’m not sure how the mistletoe […]

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CMRDCY 1960s 1970s  SUBURBAN HOME TWO STORY WITH STATION WAGON IN DRIVEWAY

How to Win a Cargument

One summer day when I was 10 or 11, my dad pulled our family car up our driveway and parked in the carport. While he had been out running errands, some neighbors had stopped by and were visiting with mom. I was playing in the front yard with some other kids and saw my dad […]

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A remote controlled airplane stuck in the branches of a tree.

My Painful Christmas History

Christmas has often been a somewhat painful season for me. I grew up in a big household with five kids so my parents were trying to cut corners any way they could. They would wait until about three days before Christmas to buy our Christmas tree, which was always a Scotch pine, the cheapest Christmas […]

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The Cheapskate’s Guide to Getting a Babysitter

The only economical babysitting options I’ve found are grandparents, newly married couples, and dogs. Let me save you some time and tell you that the dog option isn’t going to work, for two reasons: 1] Dogs don’t have thumbs so when you call home to see how the kids are, they won’t be able to […]

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The Maniac Parenting Method

My non-parent friends ask me what it’s like having kids. I tell them that before you have kids, you are the star in the movie of your life. After you have kids, you’re lucky if you can get a speaking part. You’re an extra on the set of your own movie. When the credits roll […]

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Cute,Toddler,Boy,In,A,Food,Store,Or,A,Supermarket

Parenting Prep 101

So you’re thinking about having children but aren’t sure if you’re ready? Just take this little test and you’ll get a good idea whether or not you are. First, attach yourself to some type of device that gives you a severe electrical shock if you are unable to complete a complex algebraic equation in two […]

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St. Patrick - small

A Brief history of St. Patrick of Ireland

St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the life of St. Reginald Patrick (Reggie for short) who is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Twentieth century historians have disputed this claim, however, arguing that instead of driving the snakes, he merely purchased them bus tickets. Modern historians, however, scoff at this claim, noting that only lizards […]

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Valentine's Day Guy - Man's Approach to Valentine's Day

A Man’s 5-Step Approach to Valentine’s Day

I don’t know why I always wait until the last minute to buy my wife’s Valentine’s Day present. Most likely, it’s because I’m a guy. The same thing happens every year. About one week before Valentine’s Day, I think that the big day is nowhere on the radar, so I figure I still have pul-lenty […]

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Suburban Guy's Home Repair-Smaller-square

The Suburban Guy’s Home Repair Method

I just finished replacing a piece of loose siding on my house and it only took me about a year to do it. How did I accomplish this miracle of efficiency and home-repair savvy? By applying the time-honored suburbanite-male’s system of home maintenance. The following is the simple 10-step process I use to ensure quality […]

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Middle age orientation-smaller

Middle age orientation program

Hello! Welcome to middle age. You’re going to love it! Heh, heh. A little orientation humor there. No, the truth is that much of it is going to be uncomfortable and—well, there’s no point in soft-pedaling it—you’re going to be miserable. I’m here to give you a heads-up about some of the things you may […]

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