Kiss-Jeep

I don’t know if you are aware of it, but I am the guy who invented Kiss-Jeep. There are some parts of the country where Kiss-Jeep hasn’t caught on yet, so let me explain.

Let’s say you’re driving down the road with your honey. The first one in the car that spots a Jeep Wrangler (Jeep Cherokees don’t count), yells “Kiss-Jeep!” and receives a kiss from the other party.

Why Wranglers? I like ’em. I might want one some day. Some have advanced the theory that this is a symptom of a rapidly approaching mid-life crisis. Be that as it may, that’s the vehicle you use for the game, and that’s that.

Now I realize that this whole thing sounds a bit mushy and, well, stupid, but I had to invent this game as a defense against Punch-Bug.

I just heard of Punch-Bug about six or seven months ago. I was driving around with someone when suddenly they yelled, “Punch-Bug!” while simultaneously reaching over and whomping me on the arm. When I demanded an explanation, they looked at me with that look of mingled pity and disbelief that, if it were spoken, would sound like, “What a moron.” It turns out that Punch-Bug has been around since the Garden of Eden and is played with Volkswagen Beetles and punching, rather than Wranglers and kisses.

This is an incredible concept to me—that there is actually a circumstance where it’s not only okay to hit someone, but it’s considered a good thing.

Amazing! I could’ve been assaulting people all my life and getting away with it, had I just known. I wonder now if there are other crimes one may commit and get away with if one knows the right thing to say. You see a nice car, yell, “Steal Mercedes!” hop in and drive off. What a world!

So I hear about this Punch-Bug thing, go home, tell my wife, and before you can say “black and blue,” we’re driving down the road knocking the fool out of each other. After a while, I realize that she’s much better at this than I am because, while I’m driving and looking at the road, traffic signals, speedometer, etc., the only activity she’s engaged in is spotting Volkswagens and hitting me. She’s a very competitive woman.

Seeing I’m getting nowhere with this, I expanded the rules to include Slap-Van, Pinch-Truck, Hair-Yank-Import and Gouge-18-Wheeler. Even so, she soon caught on and was beating me senseless.

That’s when I had my Kiss-Jeep brainstorm. I thought, Which would be better—being punched or being kissed by one’s sweetheart? Hmmm. (Oddly enough, I can actually give you names of couples that would choose the punching.)

Now, since my eyes are automatically drawn to any Wrangler on the road, I’m spotting them left and right and having the time of my life! But the cool thing about Kiss-Jeep is, even when you lose, you win. Cool, huh?

So, you can keep playing Punch-Bug if you want. Me? I’m keeping both hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road.

Oh, I might keep an eye out for the occasional Wrangler here and there.

© 2020 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known humorous motivational speaker and author. Visit his Web site www.CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com or contact him via e-mail at Charles@CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com