A lot of odd little customs have somehow become attached to the Christmas season. Take mistletoe, for example. What an amazing concept! Hang a little twig over someone’s head and you get a kiss. I guess that makes sense. Nothing says romance like a poisonous sprig of parasitic vegetation. I’m not sure how the mistletoe […]
Thanksgiving is almost here, and I’m all atwitter with anticipation. In celebration, I plan to once again partake in the age-old tradition of gorging myself with an embarrassing amount of food, creating gastro-intestinal problems the like of which are rarely experienced in industrialized countries. This year my family and I are planning on eating out […]
The back-to-school ritual in my household when I grew up always began with a trip to the discount department store, where my mom’s mission was to outfit me in the most embarrassing clothes possible. Between the dressing room and the cash register, I’m sure my pants lost roughly six inches of length. You might be […]
Not all of my customer service stories are about great service. This is a video of me telling a story about bad service I’ve gotten, but don’t worry! I disguise the name of the company so you’ll never know who I’m talking about!
My family just celebrated Independence Day as we do every year, and for the first time in my life, it strikes me what a strange way it is that we celebrate this holiday. First, we go over to my Uncle Harold’s house and stuff ourselves almost to the point of hospitalization. Then at some point […]
I am a proud former Kmart clothes wearer! Well, not proud. Kind of ashamed really, but after years of therapy I can finally admit it. If you also had to wear them, I want to hear from you in the comments section below. (My therapist said it’s good if we talk about it.)
My non-parent friends ask me what it’s like having kids. I tell them that before you have kids, you are the star in the movie of your life. After you have kids, you’re lucky if you can get a speaking part. You’re an extra on the set of your own movie. When the credits roll […]
When I was seven years old, my parents entertained some friends who had just gotten back from vacationing in Hawaii. Back in those days, it was much more uncommon for people to travel to far away exotic locations, so my parents’ friends were showing off their pictures and souvenirs while my parents ooh-ed and aah-ed. […]
In celebration of Scrappy, The Wonder Dog’s birthday* this month, I offer a never-before-seen peek at my journal entry for the week of his adoption 13 years ago. October 12 – My wife called me while I was at the store and asked if I knew why there was a small, bedraggled dog hanging around […]
So you’re thinking about having children but aren’t sure if you’re ready? Just take this little test and you’ll get a good idea whether or not you are. First, attach yourself to some type of device that gives you a severe electrical shock if you are unable to complete a complex algebraic equation in two […]
