When I was seven years old, my parents entertained some friends who had just gotten back from vacationing in Hawaii. Back in those days, it was much more uncommon for people to travel to far away exotic locations, so my parents’ friends were showing off their pictures and souvenirs while my parents ooh-ed and aah-ed. […]
Here’s a tell-all video in which clients get to say what they really think about me! Okay, it’s a promotional video, but don’t tell anybody.
I answered the phone just after midnight and heard the panicked voice of my business partner on the other end of the line. “If you want anything from the restaurant, you’d better come get it now,” Frank said. “They’re kicking us out of the building tomorrow morning.” “What?!” I practically yelled into the phone. “We’re […]
So you’re thinking about having children but aren’t sure if you’re ready? Just take this little test and you’ll get a good idea whether or not you are. First, attach yourself to some type of device that gives you a severe electrical shock if you are unable to complete a complex algebraic equation in two […]
St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the life of St. Reginald Patrick (Reggie for short) who is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Twentieth century historians have disputed this claim, however, arguing that instead of driving the snakes, he merely purchased them bus tickets. Modern historians, however, scoff at this claim, noting that only lizards […]
Tell me, what do Tom Hiddleston, Emma Thompson, Kelly Clarkson, Tessa Thompson, and James Earl Jones have in common? Sure, they’re all hugely successful celebrities, but what else? What would they have in common with Philippe Petit (the French high-wire artist who became famous for his high-wire walk between the Twin Towers at the World […]
Back in 2018, I had the pleasure of speaking at the Professional Skaters Association annual meeting and a nicer bunch of folks you never will meet. During the program, I walked over to an audience member to talk to her (which, due to social distancing, I’m not doing at present), and helped her from her […]
I don’t know why I always wait until the last minute to buy my wife’s Valentine’s Day present. Most likely, it’s because I’m a guy. The same thing happens every year. About one week before Valentine’s Day, I think that the big day is nowhere on the radar, so I figure I still have pul-lenty […]
In the early seventies, it seemed almost every kid rode their bike to school. I remember standing in the front of my elementary school staring at the bike rack loaded with well over 100 bicycles of every type imaginable. Some kids were lucky enough to have new bikes with banana seats and monkey handle bars. […]
In this video I answer all of the burning questions that hardly anyone cares enough about to ask, including my getting a DNA test, whether I’ve ever had a stalker, and what I think about skinny jeans.