The back-to-school ritual in my household when I grew up always began with a trip to the discount department store, where my mom’s mission was to outfit me in the most embarrassing clothes possible. Between the dressing room and the cash register, I’m sure my pants lost roughly six inches of length. You might be […]
Good-looking people on airplanes always seem to get the best treatment. You know it’s true. Don’t try to argue with me!
My wife won’t allow me to shoot off fireworks anymore. Well, my wife and everybody else that knows me, that is. For a long time, fireworks were illegal in Georgia, but for two glorious nights every year, everybody in the state wantonly abandoned all sense of good citizenship and broke the law. On New Year’s […]
In celebration of Scrappy, The Wonder Dog’s birthday* this month, I offer a never-before-seen peek at my journal entry for the week of his adoption 15 years ago. October 12 – My wife called me while I was at the store and asked if I knew why there was a small, bedraggled dog hanging around […]
Thanksgiving is almost here, and I’m all atwitter with anticipation. In celebration, I plan to once again partake in the age-old tradition of gorging myself with an embarrassing amount of food, creating gastro-intestinal problems the like of which are rarely experienced in industrialized countries. This year my family and I are planning on eating out […]
Not all of my customer service stories are about great service. This is a video of me telling a story about bad service I’ve gotten, but don’t worry! I disguise the name of the company so you’ll never know who I’m talking about!
My family just celebrated Independence Day as we do every year, and for the first time in my life, it strikes me what a strange way it is that we celebrate this holiday. First, we go over to my Uncle Harold’s house and stuff ourselves almost to the point of hospitalization. Then at some point […]
One summer day when I was 10 or 11, my dad pulled our family car up our driveway and parked in the carport. While he had been out running errands, some neighbors had stopped by and were visiting with mom. I was playing in the front yard with some other kids and saw my dad […]
I am a proud former Kmart clothes wearer! Well, not proud. Kind of ashamed really, but after years of therapy I can finally admit it. If you also had to wear them, I want to hear from you in the comments section below. (My therapist said it’s good if we talk about it.)
My non-parent friends ask me what it’s like having kids. I tell them that before you have kids, you are the star in the movie of your life. After you have kids, you’re lucky if you can get a speaking part. You’re an extra on the set of your own movie. When the credits roll […]
