We just celebrated Independence Day again, and for the first time in my life, it strikes me what a strange way it is that we celebrate this holiday in my family. First, we go over to my Uncle Harold’s house and stuff ourselves almost to the point of hospitalization. Then, at some point in the […]
I couldn’t find one of my old bottles of prescription pills the other day, so I asked my wife if she knew what happened to them. She told me that she had thrown them away. When I asked her why on earth she would do such a thing, she told me she had gotten rid […]
St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the life of St. Reginald Patrick (Reggie for short) who is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Twentieth century historians have disputed this claim, however, arguing that instead of driving the snakes, he merely purchased them bus tickets. Modern historians, however, scoff at this claim, noting that only lizards […]
I don’t know why I always wait until the last minute to buy my wife’s Valentine’s Day present. Most likely, it’s because I’m a guy. It’s a terrifying ordeal trying to pick out a Valentine’s Day card on Valentine’s Day evening because there is absolutely no selection left. I don’t know who else could have […]
I don’t know if you are aware of it, but I am the guy who invented Kiss-Jeep. There are some parts of the country where Kiss-Jeep hasn’t caught on yet, so let me explain. Let’s say you’re driving down the road with your honey. The first one in the car that spots a Jeep Wrangler […]
A lot of odd little customs have somehow become attached to the Christmas season. Take mistletoe, for example. What an amazing concept! Hang a little twig over someone’s head and you get a kiss. I guess that makes sense. Nothing says romance like a poisonous sprig of parasitic vegetation. I’m not sure how the mistletoe […]
One summer day when I was 10 or 11, my dad pulled our family car up our driveway and parked in the carport. While he had been out running errands, some neighbors had stopped by and were visiting with mom. I was playing in the front yard with some other kids and saw my dad […]
Christmas has often been a somewhat painful season for me. I grew up in a big household with five kids so my parents were trying to cut corners any way they could. They would wait until about three days before Christmas to buy our Christmas tree, which was always a Scotch pine, the cheapest Christmas […]
The only economical babysitting options I’ve found are grandparents, newly married couples, and dogs. Let me save you some time and tell you that the dog option isn’t going to work, for two reasons: 1] Dogs don’t have thumbs so when you call home to see how the kids are, they won’t be able to […]
My non-parent friends ask me what it’s like having kids. I tell them that before you have kids, you are the star in the movie of your life. After you have kids, you’re lucky if you can get a speaking part. You’re an extra on the set of your own movie. When the credits roll […]
