It is incumbent upon me to report an alarming, and I believe dangerous, trend growing in our society today. I am convinced that sauntering is once again on the rise.
Historical note: As you’ll no doubt remember, sauntering enjoyed its heyday back in the mid-1920s, when gambling, moonshine, and gangstering were all in vogue. Coincidence? I think not.
As it turns out, the actual cause of the Great Depression was not the crash of the stock market in 1929 as was originally thought, but the culmination of a decade of folks sauntering around when they should have been at work. It is widely held in some circles that if it were not for sauntering, the Great Depression might have only been the Mildly Bummed Out.
Sauntering was virtually stamped out in the mid-1940s by the no-nonsense, tougher-than-nails WWII generation when they discovered that, in addition to his other atrocities, none other than Adolf Hitler was a known saunterer. Some prominent historians now believe that the goose step was merely a clumsy European imitation of sauntering.
But maybe you think I’m being too harsh. What harm is there in a little sauntering, you wonder? The danger is that it won’t stop there. First we accept sauntering as an allowable standard, and then, before you know it, people will start wanting to mosey. After that, rambling will become fashionable, and then strolling can’t be far behind. Finally, the entire human race will meander to a halt, not unlike the ancient race known as the Meander-thals.
Additional historical note: The Meander-thals were a little-known offshoot of the much more popular and often show-offy Neanderthals. The Meander-thals ultimately failed to distinguish themselves as a race, though, meandering pointlessly through history and, quite literally, never really took off.
The Meander-thals’ motto is thought by some scholars to have been, “Oom kooma ba jowie,” which translates literally, “My shoelaces are untied.”
The problem with most saunterers is they don’t even know they’re guilty of the crime. In order to find out whether you are indeed, um, rapid-movement challenged, just answer this simple questionnaire:
1] Do you frequently find yourself eyeing your grandma’s walker, saying things like, “Hey, that’s a nice walker. Does that come in different colors?”
2] Are the words “United States Government” printed in the issuer portion of your paycheck?
3] Are you presently incarcerated?
4] Are you a citizen of any formerly Soviet-controlled country?
If you replied affirmatively to any of the above questions, you are very likely a saunterer.
Of course, the time that sauntering gets on my nerves the most is when I see it in customer service situations. There really is no time in dealing with customers when dragging your feet is a positive thing.
When people are laying out their hard-earned dollars for your products or services, they are hoping that they are dealing with someone who will step up for them in a way that lets them know that they matter.
So this week, in whatever situation you find yourself–whether personal or professional–step up and step lively. Remember, keep those shoelaces tied and don’t give anyone the opportunity of calling you a Meander-thal!
© 2019 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known humorous motivational speaker and author. Visit his Web site www.CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com or contact him via e-mail at Charles@CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com