In celebration of Scrappy, The Wonder Dog’s birthday* this month, I offer a never-before-seen peek at my journal entry for the week of his adoption 13 years ago.
October 12 – My wife called me while I was at the store and asked if I knew why there was a small, bedraggled dog hanging around our back door. I told her in no uncertain terms she should not open that door. I also stressed that neither she nor the kids should look at, speak to, or interact with the creature in any way. I’ll be danged if that mongrel is going to squeeze his way into my house to mooch off me. My wife and I are in complete agreement on this point.
I made and distributed several hundred I-found-your-dog fliers to every single house in the neighborhood.
October 13 – Placed ads in several papers and online publications but haven’t had any responses yet. My wife made a little cardboard house for the beast today, saying “There was no reason for the little cutie pie to suffer while we search for his owners.”
Note to self: Interrogate wife about sudden appearance of dogfood in our cabinet.
October 14 – My wife is suddenly talking baby talk to the dog. I came around the corner today to find her saying, “Oos a wittle cutie? Yous is! Yous a wittle cutie!”
Just two days ago we both solemnly agreed that the last thing we need in our house is a dog but now something strange has happened. She looks the same but now it’s almost like she’s a completely different person.
I saw a movie once where alien spores from a meteorite took over the bodies of all the people on the planet. Call me crazy, but this looks a lot like that.
Just sat the kids down and told them that alien spores may have taken control of their mom. Told them to keep an eye on mom and stay away from the dog no matter what!
October 15 – Came home this evening to find my wife had taken the dog to the vet who said that it looks like a Shih tzu. This breed is apparently known for its almost supernatural powers of cuteness. They use this power to enslave their owners and make them talk like two-year-olds.
October 16 – Somehow, against all odds, the creature has made its way into my house. The kids are also now talking baby talk to the alien dog creature. It’s obvious that I’ve lost the battle and the creature now controls every member of the family but me.
October 17 – Barricaded in my bedroom. Caught myself almost petting the creature last night. I’m worried I might be getting infected with the alien spores. If it happens that somehow I am also infected, I leave this journal to prove that I once was a normal, intelligent human being, in full possession of my mind and vocabulary.
October 18 – Just came home from getting doggie treats and gave sweetums his huggie-poos! He’s just the cutest wittle baby and I wuv him so much! Yes, I does! Yes, I does!
*Since Scrappy, The Wonder Dog, is a rescue dog, the veterinarian took his best guess at how old he was when she showed up.
© 2021 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known humorous motivational speaker and author. Visit his Web site www.CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com or contact him via e-mail at Charles@CharlesMarshallSpeaker.com